So, there I was sprawled out on a Chaise Longue sofa, being hand fed grapes! What are you thinking? I’m posh? No, I was being hypnotised! A calming voice whispered, ‘When offered a glass of wine, you have the will power to say NO!’ and ‘You will have no desire to ever buy alcohol from off licences again.’ This was just one of my many bright ideas to try to stop drinking.
My way clearly didn’t work; I was back at the off licence quicker than she could say, ‘And you’re back in the room.’ Time and money wasted… again!
What other lengths did I go to over the years? Well, I persuaded my ‘then’ husband to sell our lovely, refurbished cottage in order to rent a farmhouse near Pendle Hill. Located in Barley, a quiet, sleepy village, the farmhouse was nowhere near any off licences! However, there was a flaw in my plan. Barley did have a pub! So, it didn’t take long before I was the talk of the village … for all the wrong reasons, obviously! Yes, I was an alcoholic, and I took my fair share of drugs … hey, who didn’t in the 90s and 2000s? But alcohol was my obsession, my progression and my solution… and it cost me everything! Marriage, kids, jobs, health – and the more I lost, the more I drank. And the more I drank the more I lost!
It makes me laugh now, thinking of the times I’d to go into off licences at 7:00am looking dishevelled, but maintaining a façade, saying to the shop keepers, ‘Wow, what a long night shift!’ Like they cared about my ridiculously early purchase of vodka! My local shop even had a photograph of me under the counter! A concerned friend had given it, demanding no alcohol be sold to me anymore. Oh, the shame of it. I am not laughing actually…it is embarrassing!!
Life as an alcoholic was getting tougher and tougher. Drinking against my will was awful: the dependency, the many detoxes, hospital admissions and rehabs. I’d stay sober for a while, but never long term. My God, what was wrong with me?
Then, one Friday lunchtime, in an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, (funny how they call it ‘Anonymous’ because I always knew everyone there!) I met a kind woman called Lesley. She took me to her Church the following week. I had gone to Church every week in my childhood, so the mustard seed of faith had been sown. God was definitely in this meeting with Lesley, and I started attending this Church regularly, still drinking, mind! (I would aim not to be too drunk at 10:30am.) The Pastor did my application for a Christian rehab, Hope House Teen Challenge, and off I went to Wales. At this point, it was do or die for me, I was an alcoholic of the hopeless kind!
During my time at Hope House, ‘the miracle factory of faith’, as we called it, my thoughts unravelled. Could God cure me of my addiction? Could God’s word renew my mind? Had God truly chosen me to be there? (as I was often told by staff)
I read in Scripture that it was actually a sin to get drunk… oh wow…my sins were plentiful then! Good job the Big Man upstairs looks for progress not perfection! 20 years of addiction was not going to heal overnight. Yes, it took time to get established in sobriety, but I focussed on growing spiritually and learning to accept that I am truly loved by God.
God did his part, and I had to do mine!
What have I learned? Be really honest, be open, totally surrender. My biggest victory was won on my knees! Rescued, reborn and rebuilt!
What else? I know God’s voice is far more powerful than an expensive hypnotist! Off licences are totally off limits and God’s way for me is far better than my own!
Ange
Angela Shain completed the Your Story Reframed 1-year course in 2025. She passed with distinction and is now a trainer on our YSR Team.