Just before Fixed 24, I was sitting at my dining room table reflecting on what I had recently heard on the news. ‘Banksy Artwork Stolen’. This is the image of the girl with the balloon. I have one on my dining room wall with the caption ‘There is always hope’. There’s a reason I have this hanging on my wall, it’s to remind me of that very statement.
You see, as I look back over the years before the very first Fixed conference in 2013, I know I was living a life that seemed to have no hope at all. My ‘Banksy’ had been stolen! My hope had been stolen.
I’d been brought up in chaos: both my parents were addicts and by the time I was a young adult, I’d been through various forms of abuse and started to take drugs. I was carrying guilt that was so heavy from my dad dying in my house through taking drugs. Everything just seemed to be falling apart. But something inside me just kept believing ‘all this can’t be happening for nothing, there has to be a purpose, there has to be a hope’.
I’ll never forget the day everything changed. I was at the first Fixed Conference in 2013. As I listened to the speakers my heart was beating so fast. Story after story of people whose lives were so similar to mine. They were all talking about how Jesus had set them free from guilt, shame and fear and I just remember thinking how much I wanted the same.
I would wake every day with crippling guilt that consumed me. The shame of what I had done, the things I had been through, the abuse that had happened to me was so heavy. Would this Jesus really do the same for me? Could I be forgiven? Could I dare to believe He would love me enough to do the same for me? Absolutely I could! You see with Jesus there is always hope!
The Bible says when we confess our sins, God forgives us and purifies us. This means we don’t need to let shame and guilt consume us but we can embrace forgiveness and begin to live in freedom. The Bible also tells us that when we believe in Jesus we will never be put to shame.
That day at Fixed I spent all day talking myself in and out of God’s forgiveness, I spent all day ignoring His call, all day convincing myself that my guilt was too heavy, but finally on that day I prayed God would forgive me and take away the guilt and shame that I’d been carrying for years. That’s the moment everything changed. I knew in that moment I was set free and I’d never be the same again.
I’m now a new creation which means the old has gone, the new has come. God is using my life and past experiences for good. This November I’ve been married 10 years and we’ve both been on an amazing journey. We’re now both Ministers in Training and for the last two years we’ve been leading a church. We now have the privilege of walking alongside others as they meet with Jesus and begin to walk in freedom and embrace their new identity in Christ.
Maybe you’re reading this right now and feeling like you have no hope. Maybe you feel like you’re carrying guilt and shame because of things you’ve done or because of your past experiences. If that’s you, then know this….if God can set me free and bring me to where I am today, then He can do the same for you. He will never put you to shame but will give you a new life full of hope and purpose.
Adelle
Adelle Howells is the child of an addict and was one herself. Adelle’s faith journey started at our first Fixed conference, and she later worked as an administrator at Proclaim Trust. She is now a church leader and an Elim Minister in Training.