In in my late 30’s I was ‘functioning’ alcoholic! But is there such a thing?
Well, there was in my eyes. I functioned because of alcohol, so therefore I was a ‘functioning’ alcoholic! However, the deep-seated denial was wearing thin, the guilt and shame tormented me, and my recklessness was starting to show!
I was a Personal Trainer, and a current client was ‘Canadian Dave’. Dave was a keen horse rider but was prone to falling off! He had a dream to climb Mount Everest; well, to trek to Base Camp at least! I was rehabilitating him through his horse riding/falling injuries, and he just came out with it one day: ‘Ange, do you fancy trekking to Everest Basecamp?’
Wow, what an opportunity! How could I say no? And he was going pay for the trip! Happy days!!
My actual first thought was – well this is my chance to get sober!! Even I would struggle to find alcohol on Everest and the Sherpas couldn’t carry it for me, we only got 10lb luggage allowance! Forget Alcoholics Anonymous to get well, I’m going to go to the top of the world. Three weeks without alcohol… that will fix me! ‘Dave, I’m in!’
So, the training began, hill walking around Lancashire, endless boring incline treadmill sessions and spin classes, designed for altitude training! Of course, my post-training recovery drink was vodka, with my favourite mixer, which was… well, just more vodka!
April 2015: training done, specialist equipment bought, medical done (God knows how I passed that!)
BUT, on Sunday 21st April when I was stood in my front room, looking at my luggage – I heard a voice! But I was alone, no-one else home! The voice was in my head, telling me not to go. I tried to override it, but this voice was beyond human power. I fell back on my settee as I felt my head and my heart back out of the trip!
I phoned Canadian Dave: ‘Dave I can’t go! I can’t explain it, but I’m sorry, I can’t go!’ He was amazed, but at the same time, understanding: ‘You know we fly on Tuesday, Ange, if you change your mind.’
Tuesday came and went; Dave flew out, whilst I was left feeling like a failure! Obviously, alcohol helped numb these feelings!
The next Saturday, I went to run the 3 Peaks race… well, I had been training after all! Race done, I returned to my car and my phone lit up with endless missed calls, mainly from my dad. I had been avoiding telling him I didn’t go on the trip, as he’d been so excited his little girl was going Base Camp!
‘Dad, what’s wrong?’
‘ANGELA, WHERE ARE YOU?’
‘Erm… Dad, I’m in Yorkshire, doing the 3 Peaks!’
‘ANGELA HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE NEWS? EARTHQUAKES IN NEPAL! I’M HERE LOOKING AT BOOKING FLIGHTS TO KATMANDU, THINKING YOU’D GONE THERE!’
I felt sick, relieved and obviously concerned for Dave!
The voice I’d heard on that Sunday morning… was it from God?
Now, I was brought up a Christian, but my reckless ‘functioning’ behaviour certainly didn’t reflect anything of God in my life. I knew in my heart that the voice had saved me from going into this disaster, the biggest Earthquake ever known in Nepal. Why was I worth saving?
I cringe now at the article that was written about me in the Lancashire Evening Telegraph, saying I’d had a premonition! I had magazines, focussed on the paranormal, ringing me up asking if I’d do an article on being psychic! I’m not Mystic Meg! It was God’s doing!
This was the start of my recovery journey! I don’t need to be a failure, a slave to addiction, a so called ‘functioning’ alcoholic.
My ‘trek’ into sobriety has been a long, rocky road but my faith in God has led me, on a path to where I am today, clean and sober!
Oh, as for Canadian Dave, he was stranded for a time, but survived, praise God.
And he went back to help rebuild a destroyed village!
Ange
Angela Shian completed the Your Story Reframed 1-year course in 2025. She passed with distinction and is now a trainer on our YSR Team.