We all have a story that was intended to be part of a much bigger story. Mine began in a home that was not safe, one where I was unprotected.
Again and again, I felt like a fly caught in a spider’s web, trapped, helpless and powerless.
Abuse left me feeling violated, helpless and fearful. Shame came and cast a shadow over me, taunting me.
“It’s your fault, there is something wrong with you.”
That’s what shame does: it comes to point a finger and say that something is wrong with you, that you’re the problem. Growing up my identity had been hidden, my innocence stolen, my confidence and worth destroyed.
The Thief comes only but to steal, kill and destroy… John 10:10
Ongoing abuse led to a distorted perspective of myself and others. I believed the lies, that I was rubbish and that it was my fault. That I deserved this because I was ugly and unlovable.
Running from the pain and seeking freedom, I looked to the world for a way out and the promise of a better life. In my misguided quest, drugs fed my wounded nature and offered me momentary relief and pleasure, along with the promise of a good time.
One look was all it took, until its hook was deep in me. During eighteen years of worshipping drugs with my mind, body and soul, I lost everything, including every last penny. My addiction took me to the point of selling the clothes on my back and eventually my body on a street corner. I was imprisoned by lies, pain, sin and pretty much every other destructive influence and behaviour you can name.
The sorrows of those that run after false gods will multiply. Psalm 16:4
I remember looking in a mirror and seeing the heart of my addiction looking back at me. ‘My face was sunken, my eyes wide; white as a ghost I kept masking the pain with the drugs, but I was dying on the inside’. Yet in those days, anything that restricted me from being free to do what I wanted to do when and how I wanted to do it seemed oppressive and confining.
That was until I discovered the true Freedom that is found in the person of Jesus Christ and through the way of the Cross. That freedom is always connected to the truth, and it starts with knowing Christ and knowing His word.
For it was for Freedom that Christ died for us. Galatians 5:1
Jesus explains it this way:
If you keep on obeying what I have said, you truly are my disciples. You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free. John 8:31-32
Faith in Christ and His work on the Cross led me to encounter and discover healing and freedom from drugs, hopelessness, bitterness, pain, shame, lies, fear and trauma. I am now free to live, free to love, free to be and free to experience this incredible love, joy, hope and freedom.
He heals the broken-hearted, sets captives free, he gives us a crown of beauty for ashes when you trust Him with your story. Isaiah 61
I wonder what areas you seek freedom in? Do you need freedom from sin? Freedom from lies? Or are you in need of healing?
The Cross has not lost its power. What does God’s word say about these things and how can you apply these truths and live them?
I was abused and addicted, and now I am free.
I always felt that one day I would write my story, but I never considered my story being worthy of a book. Yet I believe that God spoke clearly to my heart during the pandemic and said, ‘It’s time for the book; it’s time to write your story’. My story became part of His story, and I trust that this book will bring others into His story that they too may know that:
All things work all things together for Good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes. Rom 8:28
Trudy is a former addict, who is now a leader at E5 Church in Bristol and an evangelist. She is a regular speaker at our Fixed conferences. Trudy is also the author of ‘Abused – Addicted – Free‘, which is released in late September 2021.